2011. What?

Is it really almost 2011? This year flew by like a frisbee. I just can't even believe I got this far. In 2009 I thought that I would never see 2010 and really ever feel alive again and I laid and cried about this many, many nights. I laid and wondered if I ever would find "him" or if I would ever be skinny. Truth is that now I know because, (it is the future) that it all turned out ok, with a few bumps in the road and a little heartbreak, I survived 2009, and most of 2010. I want to be a good person. I want to be a good mom to my ONLY child (even though she does not share my DNA, I still want to be good to her and for her) I just can't seem (even with the prozac) to kick depression OUT of my bed! I want it to vanish, never to return.

I will hope for 2011.

Birthdays...

As my 32nd Birthday approaches, I am once again reminded that time is not on my side anymore. I find myself constantly thinking, rethinking, and thinking again always analyzing every ones words to me. I get my feelings hurt so easily these days. I need tougher skin. I truly do. I can not seem to shake that "feeling bullied" syndrome I had as a child. When I was younger I was awkward and thin with large knee caps and bright "orange-red" hair and tons of freckles and pale vampire white skin. Kids just disliked me, so I tried harder. Teachers disliked me even more, so I tried even harder. I sometimes wonder if my intelligence level would have been higher had I had a normal adjusted childhood...See there I go, even when blogging I start analyzing things. I really want my 30's to be far better than my 20's and while my marriage has ended the possibilities for me are astronomical and I am on the verge of extraordinary, I can just feel it.

New To This Whole Blogging Thing...

How far behind am I that I just now signed up to "Blog"? I have so much to say constantly and it would make sense that I share all of my ramblings with perfect strangers, right? WRONG! I guess I just now realized that this would be a perfect outlet for my ongoing personality issues. I choose my attitude everyday and all I do is post one to two sentances on Facebook each morning, afternoon and evening telling all 300 something friends bits and pieces of my day. How boring am I that everytime I have a thought, I run to Facebook to post it? I should be living my life not electronically recording it...

I am sure this blog with not entertain anyone and thats ok. I think I just wanted to do it for myself anyways. I want to feel "important" enough to actually have a blog. (Thank goodness it is free) I will just TRY and limit myself to a post ONCE a day...We shall see how that goes.

Anywho, if anyone did decide to read this, Hi! If not, cool. I hope to make some new friends along the way. I hope to share experiences, recipes, love, lust and life with as many people as I can before I go Home to my Lord. I want to take the time I am given here with my earthly family and make it AWESOME!

XOXO